We chatted through OK Cupid way before I ever came to Madrid, in anticipation of my arrival. Despite a slew of messages, she asked me all the same questions in person that she had through messaging, something I find incredibly annoying. This cooky Casanova and I finally made plans to go out on a date in her rural town of Villa de Olmos, last minute I googled how to get out there.
After grabbing the 3:45 bus on a Sunday to the boondocks of Madrid, this was rolling hill after cultivated hill of farmland, I arrive in her one-bar town. (I was the only person that got off the bus and the fool in sight.) She traipsed out of the one bar and I could see in her eyes, as well as the cackle of her laughter, that this was gonna be an interesting date. I was broke at the time, like Dave Chapelle's character in Half Baked, but luckily all she wanted to do was go for a walk on a back road and chat. As we strolled down this gravel road I started to take her in, she was raven-haired, with bangs and medium-length tresses. She wore tight black pants, and had a great body from the hint of it, something that weighed into my decisions later, as well as a purple hoodie that looked restitched together but what was most telling, and unnerving, was her hysterical laugh.
She spoke in a near incomprehensible Spanish accent, so I had to pay attention extra well, and would burst into giggles at her own jokes, which weren't that funny from what I garnered. Case in point, she mentioned how she went on a date with a guy and didn't find him attractive once they met in person. The point of him coming out to her was to have sex and so she wasn't sure how to get rid of him. How did she get rid of him? She slept with him and kicked him out soon after. This announcement was followed by, you guessed it, cackles of glee (and my own nervous laughter).
Despite her being clearly off-kilter, I made a move and tried to kiss her. (I was thinking about the tight, black pants.) I was met with a "what the hell are you doing?", not the first time I've met blatant rejection so I took it in stride, maybe it wasn't the right timing. We continued conversing and she invited me back to her place where she shared a flat with her dad. I met her dad and his African girlfriend, a colorful character from the brief glimpse, and we talked, I showed her pics from my albums on my comp while I chewed on cardboard, day-old pizza she'd fed me. I thought, she brought me back to her crib, her pops just left, my bus leaves in an hour, this is it, this is the moment. She was sitting next to me, her left leg near my right hand, and I figured I'd stroke her calf, see how she reacts. She growled. I'm not making this up, canine sounds came out of her mouth and she told me to watch it, she bites.
Thirty minutes later I was out in the cold, watching the sun set on this sleepy, little farm town, waiting for the bus and thinking what the fuck was I doing there in the first place.
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