How do you become a New Yorker?

You don't. You can feel like a New Yorker, you can live the majority of your life there, let's say, you're a 90 year old grandma and moved there for college, but you won't really be a true New Yorker.

Why? There are certain elements that make New York special, especially in your developmental years. I went to PS 182 for kindergarten through 2nd grade (where two of those years I was in an ESL program). For third grade I went to PS 82, both were in Jamaica, Queens. We moved the summer after third grade to Astoria, a more affluent neighborhood filled with Greeks and Italians, and so I went to PS 84 for fourth through sixth. "PS" stands for "public school" and is only used in NYC. Most other schools around the country name their schools after people, McKinley Elementary School, for example. Junior high I went to JHS 141 and then it was High School of Art & Design. 

What made the schools I went to so unique were the diversity I experienced at such a young age. During fourth grade my best friend was Peruvian and the rest of my friends/classmates were from the Philippines, Montenegro, Poland, Greece, Italy, Puerto Rico, Bangladesh, Ireland, South Korea and Brazil (those are just the ones I remember). Being around kids that were really different culturally from me helped me develop cultural sensitivity and tolerance. 

There are other things too. New York, most people forget and tend to idealize, is pretty dangerous, especially during the 80's. I wasn't allowed out, I couldn't play with the kids on the block, but that doesn't mean that the violence bubbling outside didn't directly affect me. It's the reason I spent so many hours watching tv and movies. The reason my brother had to be smuggled out of our building wrapped in a blanket and driven secretly to Maryland. I remember the graffiti that blanketed the subways, top-to-bottom cars and the interior of the subway cars covered in tags. 

The 90's were marred by the emergence of the Decepticons and later the Bloods and Crips, not to mention more homegrown gangs like DDP (Dominicans Don't Play), Nietas and Latin Kings. During my high school years I found myself visiting friends in every corner of NYC; Williamsburg, LES (the Lower East Side) and Bushwick weren't places you wanted to find yourself in late at night. 

The reason I mention those neighborhoods is because NYC has a lot of universities, hence a lot of transplants, and thus many folks that after a few years call themselves New Yorkers. And many of those folks are my friends, that's why it's a delicate subject in some ways. 

So I come back to my answer and why it's an emphatic no. I live in Madrid now, I've been here for the past three and half years. In my time here I've adapted to the way of life, I eat a typical Spanish breakfast, which is toast topped with salt, olive oil and grated tomato, and know how to order it like a local, "una barrita con tomate y un café con leche fría, porfa". I've adopted the local vernacular, have tapas all the time, know the time to have vermouth and can botellón like nobody's business. Thing is, even though I feel very madrileño, I'll never truly be one. Growing up somewhere molds you, shapes your values, develops certain instincts. Take my approach to strangers, I'd be friendly while remaining suspicious of you until it's clear you're not a threat. That's what New York does to you, it's a trait I'll have my entire life most likely. 

There are other elements too. Think of it in the opposite way, say you're from a small town, like Bar Harbor, Maine. If I move to Bar Harbor and within a few years of living there called myself a... Bar Harborian? would you take me seriously? The fact of the matter is that most folks want to be New Yorkers, or Parisiens or Madrileños, because it's glamorous and recognizable and prob because of Friends. It doesn't work in the opposite direction, however, I don't see a whole lot of folks clamoring to be considered from Fargo. 

And New York ain't that great. I should know, I've lived the first thirty years of my life there. It's infested with rats, roaches and pigeons. It's still fucking dangerous, if you find yourself outside the gentrified zones. The subway is badly run, Chinatown during the summer months smells like an open landfill and it's so goddamn expensive. I may be a cool New Yorker and but take into account that our new Prez is also a New Yawker.

So when people ask you where you're from be proud and say, "I'm from Fargo", because I'll catch you out, anyway.

Inspired by this article in the NY Times:

http://nyti.ms/2hVRB0Z